The Talent Show
by DualThreatPepper
Summary: George convinces Jerry to buy Facebook stock. Kramer gets everyone tickets to a Latvian TV talent show.


Scene 1/ Chapter 1

"Jerry, I'm telling you, this is a sure thing! We'll be rich beyond our wildest dreams! Can't you just picture it now! The wine! The women!" George exclaimed.

"Oh come on George, when has this ever worked for you? I've known you my whole life! You have terrible luck! Not to mention your gullibility issues!" Jerry replied.

"Gullible?! Jerry, I'm telling you, this is gonna work! Facebook stock is rising much faster than anything else on the market! I got a buddy who can get us 270 shares right now but we have to go all in. I've got the money for half of it, whaddya say you go in on the other half?"

"Half? Half?! How much are we talking for this half?"

"Well currently, one share of Facebook is trading at $185, so…"

"So…"

"So, 270 times 185 divided by two is, ehh, about, 25 grand," George said sheepishly.

"25 grand? Are you sure? Did ya do the math right? You know, you've never been good at math." Jerry reminded George.

"I am aware, I used the calculator app on my phone, plus that's how much I've already put in, "

"You already put in 25 grand?!" Jerry was shocked.

"It all happened so fast! But I'm telling you, Jerry, this is a sure thing! My buddy knows a guy who works at Facebook, he says their stock is about to surge! They're predicting a hundred points! A hundred points Jerry!"

"A hundred points? So 270 shares at $285 is…" Jerry got out his phone calculator. "That's about $75,000! We'd be making 13 grand each. Are you sure this is sure? How sure are you?"

"I'm sure enough to put my own money in without asking you first. If that's not sure, I don't know what is."

"Normally that would mean something, but since you aren't a normal person who makes normal decisions, it doesn't." Jerry was hesitant, but ultimately his impulsivity won out." Ahhhh alright. I'm in. But if this doesn't work, consider our business relationship forever ended!"

"But our real relationship will continue, right?"

"Possibly"

The door to Jerry's apartment suddenly opened, scaring George a bit, but Jerry was used to it.

"Hey Jerry! George! Ya wanna go see the taping of _Latvia's Got Talent_ tonight?" Kramer slid in the door to Jerry's apartment, hair disheveled and with a wild look in his eyes.

" _Latvia's Got Talent_? Kramer, where did you even hear of this?" Jerry questioned.

"One of my buddies down at the docks won a bet and got 5 tickets to see the taping of _Latvia's Got Talent_ tonight but he couldn't make it so he gave them to me! Wanna go?"

"Do I wanna go? Kramer, why would I want to go watch a taping of a show in a language I can't understand?"

"Y'know, a language barrier can be a really romantic thing. Adds mystery to the relationship. Plus, ya never have to do any favors for them because ya can't understand them! No more running to the store for this, or picking up the dry cleaning for that. It's a perfect relationship, I'm telling ya!" George commented.

"Are ya finished?" Jerry said sharply.

"All I'm sayin, Jerry , is give it a chance! Kramer, I'm in!"

"Giddyup! Jerry? You in?"

"Ehhhh alright. You said you got five tickets, who else is going?"

"Well I thought Elaine could come?"

Jerry felt a slight disturbance in the force and was unsure of why until he glanced over at the door to his apartment, where a most unwelcome and reviled figure stood.

"Elaine is coming? Oh, what a delightful revelation, please let me go! I'll do anything for one sweet moment with Elaine! Oh, hello Jerry," interrupted Newman, who had appeared from down the hall with virtually no warning.

"Hello, Newman." Jerry sneered.

"Fancy seeing you here."

"Well, this is _my_ apartment."

"Don't remind me. Please, please let me go, Kramer! I'm begging you! I need it! I need her!" Newman pathetically cried.

"Oh, come off it, Newman. As if Elaine would be interested in someone as evil and repulsive as you!" Jerry retorted rather defensively.

"Still can't get over her, Jerry? Or are you just mad that someone who once laid with you will soon be laying with me!"

Jerry rolled his eyes at Newman's remark. He and Elaine had dated years prior and broken up, but they were still friends, friends who had essentially no attraction to each other.

"Boys, boys, let's stop with the fighting, okay? Elaine can make her own decisions about which lover to choose. Jerry, why don't you call her and ask her about tonight?" Kramer tried to keep the peace in his own odd way.

"Alright, fine. I'll call Elaine. But I am NOT sitting by that vile and pathetic man at all tonight!"

"You'll never be rid of me, Seinfeld! Never! Just when you think you are finally safe from me, that is when I will strike! I cannot wait for the day when you fall! The day of reckoning is approaching, and it has Newman written all over it!" Newman manically cackled as he eerily backed out of Jerry's apartment.

"Hey, Kramer, what's the time and address of the _Latvia's Got Talent_ thing?" Jerry asked, still creeped out a little, but not enough to be concerned about, by Newman.

"The Midtown Theater at the corner of 9th and 53rd! Show starts at 7:30 but we've got VIP passes so we'll need to get there at 6:00."

"VIP Passes? Do we get to meet the performers? Oh, those Latvian peformers, don't ya just love 'em? The men are strong, the women are magnificent!" George added, fueled by unbridled horniness.

"George, those Latvian women are not going to be interested in you. Contrary to your delusion, most women are not interested in quirky unemployed bald men who still live with their parents," Jerry confidently added.

"As if YOU know what women are into!" George replied, though Jerry was not paying attention.

Jerry got out his phone and called Elaine.

"Hey, Jerry, what's up?" Elaine asked, obviously chewing something.

"Not much, Kramer got us tickets for a taping of _Latvia's Got Talent_ tonight, wanna go?"

"Uhhhh maybe, what time does it start?"

"7:30 but we have to get there by 6:00 because Kramer got VIP tickets."

"VIP tickets? Wait, where did he get these tickets from?"

"I find it better not to ask. So, are you going?"

"Maybe, I have a date tonight. Who else is going?"

"Well it's me, George, Kramer, and Newman."

"Newman? Do you think you'll be able to make it through the whole night without getting in one of those cat fights?"

"Ha, ha, very funny. Are you in?"

"Yeah, I'm in. I had a date tonight, but I'll just cancel it. Seeing you trying not to claw out Newman's eyes for a whole evening is much more entertaining than the vegetable lasagna I was going to have."

"Vegetable lasagna? Was he going to make you vegetable lasagna?"

"Nahh, he's just as boring as a vegetable lasagna."

"You know, a lot of people find vegetable lasagna to be very stimulating."

"Do they?"

"They do. Alright, George and I will pick you up in an hour. Bye."

"Oh, Jerry, I'm not at my apartment. Can you meet me at the corner of 8th and 43rd?"

"8th and 43rd? Where are you?"

"I'm at vegetable lasagna's apartment. Say hi, vegetable lasagna!"

Jerry could hear some disgruntled mumbling over the phone.

"Yikes, he is in a BAD mood." Elaine said.

"I wonder why? Ok, 8th and 43rd. See you in an hour," Jerry hung up.

"Is Elaine going?" Kramer asked.

"Yeah, she had to make a tough decision between vegetable lasagna or a night with Newman. I think she chose wrong, but who am I to judge?"

"You know, vegetable lasagna really is a stimulating food. It's considered an aphrodisiac in many cultures." George added with mistaken confidence.

"George, tell me, what is it like to live in your head? Is it horrifying? Do the dumb thoughts scare you sometimes?" Jerry was tired of George's nonsense.

"I'm going to go tell Newman that Elaine is coming. See you there!" Kramer said before leaving  
Jerry's apartment as sloppily as he entered it.


End file.
